Today I plan not to repeat yesterday. I am trying to understand the forced changes I'm going through.

My outlook, my relationship with God. Why I was chosen. How God is using me to save lives of others through advocating, support and prayer. My relationships with who I thought were friends, my new Christian friends, closer to my sister, God's plan for my life and why this is all happening.

It is Christmas time, I'm alive, my 21 year old son is healthy, I'm loved for once in my life by a wonderful man, i can look ahead with God by my side.

Going on 3rd week of 6 week leave from work. 3rd surgery since March I've continued to work full-time, went to work before doctors suggested after 1st surgery, wentcto radiation everu morning at 7:50 then to work. Nurse fulltime. Im exhausted, fatigued, joint, muscle pain, depression and anxiety, insomnia, ferling of helplessness, abandonment by friends, last of compassion and support at work. My emotions and changes I'm going through overwhelming. I'm in constant prayer to over come and stay strong.

Pushing through exhaustion, depression after my hysterectomy, unhappy at work, trying to understand what is going on, accepting this is happening to me and the realization that it will never be over. It's a part of me now! It won't define me but it has changed me.

I rely on God, scripture, reading, other cancer patients testimonies. Occasional support groups.

My renewed relationship with God. How he is and will use this trial to come closer to him, prepare me, build me to be ready for his plan. I know now I'm not in control he is. I never was. He is the ultimate healer and physician. I've been humbled!

I am on 6 week leave but before and after I work 40 hours a week Monday through Friday. I am also a lead singer in a band. I was doing 3-4 hour shows, festivals etc in between since March. My last show was first of October. I am booked New Year's Eve short set. Then gigs booked already in January.

I am a nurse. I work in detmatology, assist in surgeries for skin cancers, very demanding, exhausting on your feet all day. Just the wear and tear of 23 years in nursing has now caused chronic back pain, plantar fasciitis, stress, now cancer and all its glory.

I didn't have a choice. Im the bread winner in my home, I own it, pay all my bills and medical insurance coverage.

Draw closer to God. People will come out of the woodwork to offer their story, advice, etc. But Reading scripture, praying, listening to Christian music, learning discernment, surrounding myself with godly people has been my biggest blesding and support. And realizing I don't have to apologize to anyone how I've handled my breast cancer. People come and go. God doesn't!

Through prayer, reading, educating myself but still very new to me. After recovery from surgery I plan on starting back to working out, eating more healthy as possible.

I honestly wouldn't change a thing. Take it day by day. Don't worry about tomorrow. Live in the now.