I have a tremendous sense of relief that I have finished my course of treatment. Its been a year and perhaps because my diagnosis was on my birthday, my birthday this year was a time of reflection. My world has gotten brighter as the drugs have left my system, I had bad radiation burns, and those have healed. I hope to never sit in another green recliner or hear the swosh, swosh of the machine that delivers the chemo drugs. I guess I am proud of myself. Proud that I made it through and perhaps fearful that no matter what they tell me I still have cancer lurking somewhere.

I told a friend on my birthday that I felt as if I made it through the treatment, but that in a real sense, the old precancer me had died.I don't look the same. My hair is dark and very curly now. My skin is different. My knees hurt. My energy level is different. I feel older. More my age. She told me to think of it as a rebirth. That helped.

My work is going well. I managed to work all the way thru my treatments. My employer was very
empathetic. He was flexible with my sick time. I took a total of 12 sick days, usually around surgeries or the day after Chemo. I feel that work helped me focus on something besides being ill.

I need to take a drug for 5 years and then a different drug for another 5 years. The drug I need to take could cause blood clots and my knee problem(made much worse by the chemo) is preventing me from starting the drugs. That has me very worried. I feel like one thing after another is going wrong. I never had health problems of any kind before this.

Accepting it. That I didn't do anything wrong or deserve this somehow. That I could be so negatively effected by something so random.

My friends. My church. My church has supported me in a hundred different ways, from kind words, to meals, to sitting with me during chemo. They kept me from being alone.

I will work longer, because I am afraid to be without medical insurance. I will retire immediately if it comes back. I try hard to be positive and enjoy everything because it could all be taken away so easily.

I work full time. I manage a large store with 7 employees. I walk about 5 miles a day and we are very busy.
I manage pretty well. The fatigue only strikes me flat occasionally.

I am more understanding when others need time off. I am interrupted more myself with Doctors appointments and life just gets in the way of work sometimes. I was a little less than understanding about that in the past. It's a big change for me.

The need to feel like I still had a life. That I was contributing to something. That I was needed somewhere. That I was more than my illness.

Do all you can to go to work. Even if you can't work the whole day. Getting ready for work will make you feel better. Go in, go home early if you have to. Take a nap in your car. Work puts structure in our lives and reminds us that we are more than cancer and work for most of us makes us feel useful.

I am struggling to mash the side effects into what I want my life to be. I am too young to just accept the joint pain and sit down. I will do what I can to make my life what I wanted it to be before cancer. I know I have to be realistic about aging. But - I don't have to be controlled by cancer. I am more than my cancer diagnosis.

I would tell me that I'll do fine. That pain is funny. It's easier to live through it when it's happening than it is to think about in advance. So don't do too much thinking. One day at a time.