Home > Collective Diary > Cancer and a Broken Heart
Amy R. on April 11, 2024
I was Diagnosed with:
Triple positive stage 3 breast cancer
Employment Status:
Full time
Gender/Age:
Female/53
Type and Description of Treatments:
16 rounds of chemo, targeted therapy of heceptin and perjeta, mastectomy, no reconstruction, radiation, endocrine meds, more herceptin and perjeta, then heart failure from all the chemo and targeted therapy...now lots of heart meds...
How do you feel today?
My level of energy has been forever altered by cancer and heart failure. I used to have endless energy for life and others and my art. Now I find that my energy is used up quickly so I have to manage it daily so I have something left for myself and those I love.
Since the diagnosis, what has changed in your life?
What I can manage on a daily basis has dramatically changed and what I am willing to put up with has changed. My patience for those who waste my time is gone.
What is going well for you right now?
I am back at working in my art studio again, which is important for my mental health.
What is not going well for you right now?
My energy is still low at times and my medicines give me a lot of nausea every morning. I wear pit easily and it's frustrating when there is so much still to do in life.
What has been the most challenging thing about having cancer?
Covid really made it difficult to have people help me. I felt alone. My children were young and my spouse was not helpful. I relied on a few friends to help and my sister to travel far to stay with me to help. I felt guilty asking for help from anyone. It felt like it was to much to ask others for help. People don't know what to do for you when you are sick and I didn't know how to ask.
Another challenging part was I had to work during cancer treatment. My spouse was unemployed and my salary paid most of the bills. I also carried all our medical benefits. I'm a teacher so I ended up working online, thanks to covid. I was able to keep my job because I was working online. I would go to chemo, return and teach or teach from the hospital...it was crazy. My work didn't seem to care and it was too tough to find a sub. I just did it because I didn't have support from my work. It was hard teaching a class when you're getting chemo. Insane...
When difficulties overwhelm you, where do you go for support?
Therapist.
How have your long-term goals or life goals changed since diagnosis?
My long term goals in life changed tremendously. I decided to divorce my spouse recently after going through cancer and feeling so alone. I was also able to change jobs to one that is better than the last one. I also know that I deserve love and want to make sure I surround myself with those that care about me as much as I care about them.
What is your work arrangement right now? What are your hours?
I work full time more than 40 Hours a week.
Since the diagnosis, what has changed in your work life?
I changed jobs because I could not physically go back to the job I had before. It was so much and so stressful. Also I could not manage the pressure and the early mornings. My newer job is more enjoyable and less stressful. Also I am able to not work early mornings, which is the time I feel nauseous from my meds.
What has helped you continue to work the most?
I don't have a choice. I need health care benefits and I need the salary.
If I didn't have to work I would quit and I would not have worked during cancer treatment.
What advice do you have for others trying to work through treatment?
Ask your oncologist for support groups and find an exercise program early on during treatment. Also get massages during treatment. Covid prevented this but it would have really helped.
Also if you don't have to work....don't.
If you can make a list of things s you need people to help you with make one and give it to a friend and delegate everything you can.
Also try to keep your sense of humor! Keep a blog too...I'm glad I did. It's only for me now but one day I might share it. It's good to remember what the chemo was like and how I felt. I was so sick I slept for most of the days after my 3rd chemo. I did not even have energy to talk so I wrote. I was lonely too. My children would check on me and bring me drinks and snacks but I was alone most of the time. It felt quiet and solitary most days. There were times I felt myself fading away... It was peaceful but frightening and I'm glad I didn't give in...
How have you dealt with any side effects of treatment?
Oh if there's a side effect from any drug, I got it! Side effects were rough and I still have them. The biggest side effect from cancer treatment was very failure. Totally unexpected, but brutal. I was the youngest person on the heart failure ward when I had a surgery for my heart.
If "today's you" could give advice to "day-of-diagnosis you," what would you say?
Ask your oncology team anything and make a connection with your nurse navigator. The nurse navigator was the best thing ever to help with anything I needed. Also talk with an oncology social worker to discuss the cancer.and yourental health specifically dealing with cancer and treatment. Often they are available free or with your insurance plan. It was helpful. Also see a separate mental health care professional for other issues you have like work or family. I actually saw 3 people. One for work issues, one for family, and one for cancer...it was a good choice. I was able to work through changing jobs with one, deal with serious cancer anxiety and health issues with one, and deal with family issues with the 3rd.